cruel irony
by Mein Liebling
Summary: He woke up with a gasp and an ache in his chest in the middle of the night, and suddenly Light was seventeen again in his body (but hadn't he always been seventeen?) and prepping for college and everything seemed so normal that he felt like something was wrong. / Rebirth!AU [For Lissy Stage]


_(he dies with a bullet in his chest and anger in his eyes, and he could hear the devil laugh from above him in amusement as hell welcomed him in with a dark embrace)_

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* * *

><p>.<p>

He woke up with a gasp and an ache in his chest in the middle of the night, and suddenly Light was seventeen again in his body _(but hadn't he always been seventeen?) _and prepping for college and everything seemed so _normal _that he felt like something was wrong. He stared up at the ceiling like something _(something? someone?) _should be there in front of his face, and he scrunched up his nose in frustration before turning over again and falling into a fitful sleep.

He felt different, but he was the same person as yesterday, wasn't he?

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* * *

><p>.<p>

Everything is fine in the week following and Light found himself relaxing, poised to run no matter what, but he tried to get back into his routine _(but didn't he never leave it?)_ and succeeded for the most part_._

He often found himself reaching for something that wasn't there, his fingers itching to write something but he didn't know what, and his ears would always strain to hear the TV whenever a new report was on, but whatever he was instinctively waiting for wasn't there, so Light found himself in a peaceful unease that had his fingers tapping.

_(something was missing.)_

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* * *

><p>.<p>

Light wakes up feeling light headed and giddy, like something inside of him was desperately trying to worm itself out. He didn't know why he was feeling this, why a grin (a terrifying, sinister grin that scared him more then he would ever admit) found itself on his face as he was walking to school, and maybe he was just a little bit confused on what was happening.

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* * *

><p>.<p>

He picked up the small black book _(Death Note, it read on the front, and Light nearly fell over with all the emotions that came over him- he didn't even notice the people who looked at him strangely before inching away) _from the ground and there was a distinct feeling of rightness even as he flipped through it's blank pages skeptically _(but he knew) _after reading the instructions.

Light shoved it into his bag, far too worried about the feelings that appeared when he touched the book to even be terrified of the power he now held.

_(and thus the cycle began again)_

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* * *

><p>.<p>

Light had the TV on in his room as he sat on his desk, re-reading the instructions on the book, but far too nervous to actually try it out.

He was afraid to.

Something whispered in the back of his mind to do it, write down the name of the man holding the people hostages, and he gave into the urge and wrote with sloppy handwriting- shaky, ink smudges everywhere- the name and then watched with horror as the hostages came out.

_(he should have felt happy about the power to do the world good, but instead all he felt was that everything was wrong and it terrified him)_

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* * *

><p>.<p>

Light met Ryuk and the feeling of wrongness intensified. His smile was strained and his hands shook, and one part of him thought that he shouldn't be so afraid of it, to embrace the power and to rejoice in the opportunity to cleanse the world, but the rest of him was a bit of a coward, a little bit too cautious and a little bit too good, and so the wrong and the right was fighting it out inside of Light and everyone was beginning to notice.

"Humans are so boring," Ryuk told him when Light vehemently denied the fact that he was going to use the Death Note again, and the bad side of him hissed, and Light was a little bit afraid of it.

_(use the death note, embrace it little demon, it's just as much a part of you as that hunger for justice)_

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* * *

><p>.<p>

Light held out for two weeks before the bad side of him managed to win, and then he wrote down fifteen names before he knew it, and he looked at horror at the neat writing _(it wasn't his own, it looked like his but he would never be able to willingly kill somebody with writing that looked like it belong on a stationary card) _before tearing the page out and viciously shredding it with his fingers.

Ryuk had a smile _(it was so similar to the one that was on his face when he found the book that he had to hold back his flinching)_ as he cheerily told him that shredding it wouldn't work, and Light buried his head in his hands as he dug his nails into his palms.

He didn't throw it away, but he hid it in a secret compartment in his drawer, although he knew it wouldn't help at all.

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* * *

><p>.<p>

His father had been assigned to the case for the random deaths of all the criminals.

Light was growing thinner and thinner every day.

His mother was always asking if he was alright with a worried expression on his face, and his sister spent a few more seconds hugging him and badgering him for help on homework then she usually did, almost as if she believe that if he wasn't in front of her face he would disappear.

Light continued to wilt.

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* * *

><p>.<p>

Light ended up waiting outside of the police station for his father when he struck up a conversation with a woman who told him that she had information on the mysterious deaths.

_(kill her) _a voice told him. _(she's on to us)_

Light shoved his hand into his pocket and found, much to his horror, a piece of paper and a pen.

_(he ended up killing her by making it look like a suicide, and he was growing much much thinner every day)_

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* * *

><p>.<p>

Light spent most of his time in his bedroom, his mother occasionally peeking her head inside almost as if to hope that he was resting or helping himself get better, and she almost seemed disappointed that he was staring at the TV, watching the news with dull eyes.

_(he didn't have the heart to comfort her)_

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* * *

><p>.<p>

A person was impersonating him, calling themselves 'Kira', and there was a faint sense of irony that rose from his mind and he wondered why. He didn't bother trying to find them, or do anything of the sort.

Ryuk just shook his head and complained, "Boring."

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* * *

><p>.<p>

Light met the mysterious L, the most famous detective in the world, and the bad side of him demanded that he kill him at once. L looked at him with dark eyes- knowing eyes- and Light knew that he looked suspicious and Light knew that he _knew-_

"Light-kun, are you okay?"

Light just smiled. "Not really, Ryuzaki-san. I'm a bit worried for my father, since he's in the police force, and maybe the mysterious deaths are being transferred by proximity or something."

"An interesting idea," L inclined his head, and Light wasn't sure when he had gotten so good at lying.

_(some things were wrong but it would be easy to make everything right)_

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* * *

><p>.<p>

Light killed a few more times before his mother finally forced his father to send him to the hospital to make sure that he was alright.

The nurse was a nice cheerful woman that doted on him as he had his blood drawn, and she forced him to spend a week in the hospital so he could get better without any distractions.

Light was thankful of the reprieve.

_(how weak)_

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* * *

><p>.<p>

L closed in one the fake Kira's trail, but he was oddly sympathetic of Light. He accused him of Kira once, only to have Light look at him in shock and a bit of nervousness, before L took back his statement, saying that Light wasn't heartless enough to ruthlessly kill all the men.

_(everything was ironic in a way that wasn't very funny)_

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* * *

><p>.<p>

Light lasts for a little bit more than two years when he finally collapsed in his bed, weak from stress and worry and held down by his sins, and he asks Ryuk to right his name in the Death Note. He was a coward, he couldn't stand it anymore.

Ryuk was extremely pleased. "Oh? Maybe things won't be so boring right now!"

The bad side of him was revolting, hissing and screaming at him, but Light refused to listen to it, for once standing on his own as he stared at Ryuk's grinning face _(it was someone who was missing, not something) _and then he closed his eyes and waited.

Ryuk must have been feeling generous, as his family found that he had died naturally in his sleep.

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* * *

><p>.<p>

He woke up feeling disoriented, like he wasn't quite sure where he was, and his whole body felt like it was on fire. He was Light Yagami, he was seventeen, and he was getting ready for university.

Why did this feel so strange to him?

_(well this is interesting)_

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><p>For my darling homosparkle waifu<strong> Lissy Stage <strong>I hope you like this my uber fabulous darling *hearts*

I don't own Death Note.


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